Not an everyday experience at the eyewear shop~

just the other day,
my mum needed to go to the eyewear shop for contacts and my bro needed
to adjust his spectacles so off we went...

as i enter the shop,
i noticed 3 ppl sitting down of course i will look at them.
2 were ladies and the other was a gentlemen.
He was trying out the sun glasses.

at first glimpse i thought that the guy was my friend's boyfriend so
i turned to look again.
His features are just so like my friend's boyfriend so i wanted to make sure hahaha
i have never seen her' boyfriends family so i dont know...
hahahaha
He was sitting in between his mother *obviously* and his sister?
well,
when i looked, the girl next to him glared at me!
her eyes were like ready to kill!
you guys should have seen her face!
hahahaha
so conclusion, that girl is that guy's girlfriend.

i really thought that it was my friend's boyfriend so i looked
but that girl just kept on glaring at me.

when i left the shop,
i so felt like laughing!

here are my thoughts at that moment.

" she doesn't need to glare like that! i'm just looking....
i'm not staring and drooling or anything, just staring....
U think i want to steal your boyfriend?
Get real, who wants your boyfriend? not my type!"


hahaha!
that girl was really glaring at me till i left the shop.
i wonder....
am i really a threat to her?
am i capable of stealing someone's boyfriend?



NAH!

who am i?
i got lots of flabs.....
really dark skin? *to be in nice terms, i'm really tan* hahaha
compared to that girl,she's way beautiful.
so just thinking that i was a threat to her really surprised me...
hahaha


hmm..... maybe she just dont like ppl looking at her boyfriend...
hahahaha
that must be it...
hahahaha

So many things to say, dont know where to start....

hey there,
i'm back.
well my mood isn't all that great... so expect the unexpected from me.

as what i had type for the title for this post,
i really mean it....

so many things had happened these past few days and i couldn't come on9
to rant out on all the stuff i have been going through...
so it's all stored in my heart, mind and soul.

naturally, as humans we all, after a few days will
cool off and be back to normal....
so in conclusion i'm a normal person...
i think...

by now, since i can update my blog,
and the stuff i wanted to talk about in the first place seem to have turn cold...
i dont have the feelings about what i happened then but only the memories are left...
so due to the current mood i'm having,
i'll just sort off let you guys in for a little bit....
to know bout some off the things that had been going on...

well, before i start,
i just want to let you guys know that i wont tell out the exact situation.
this is so that some wont get offended.
I never intended for this blog to be opened up to public...
as in not to let anyone i know read this but my mouth betrayed me...
i can't truly share out how i feel anymore and i have to think
first on wether what i am about to write is gonna offend anyone.

so here goes... and some of the things are related even though i may number it differently.

1. a few friends b'day falls on the same month. thats natural. pocket money for the month
is always not enough. suddenly starting from last moth, i had the urge to spend thus i started to spend A LOT. this leads to not enough money to get stuff for friend.

2. try to do a new friend surprise party. din turn out how it used to be. a friend did some thing and i felt hurt. didn think that tat person was sincere. i feel ppl pressuring me to spend more than i could. i would in the end spend or not spend money and feel guilty for not doing so.

3. dad meet up with some directors.something happened. * I so wanna blame what happened
on that director but i know that i'm to blame too.* now my conscions are kicking in
and i dont like it.

4. i din thought of this b4 but recently i did and it's frustrating me. some friend issue......
i feel grateful for them but there is the BUT. I also feel guilty that i did it to them and am still
doing so.... they had been there when i needed to get through something....

5. Studies!!!! the one and only problem i had to deal with for all the time.'
I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i never liked it and never will. no one does. this is what i hear.
i tried pushing myself but that effort never works..... i hate it!
studies going from bad to worse plus additional problem from situation number 3.

6. while writing this blog, mum came in.
tried to read it. hopefully she din manage to read it. *one of the reason nowadays that i want my own laptop but that will never happen.... i'm wondering now if someone would give me a brand new good laptop.... hahaha maybe my aunt will suddenly give me the money for it or buy me one... hahaha like that will ever happen... hahahaha* then i got scolded OF COURSE
and she said that she is nice already.... she asked me to study OF COURSE! and this always annoys me plus the additional situation from number 3.
i never had the urge to study and then never made the effort.
then comes the mother thing and BANG made me more reluctant to study....
i had been comforting friends bout their studies and still i myself am not taking my own advice.

7. I'm such a lousy person.Always a lousy one.


I feel that there's more to what i'm feeling now but like what my title of this post says....
maybe to put it into images, it's easier...

i hate it

hey,
i have not been updating for some time....
i wanted to for i have so many things that i wanted to spit out...
due to me, i couldn't do so...
i have not been feeling well.

I always feel nauseous and dizzy.
then, i had high fever and headache.....
the doctor told me i had some bloating in my stomach....
i'n the end, doctor told me that i had some viral infection.

that time, i really did feel so unwell and it was the time where i slept
the most....
now,
my fever is gone but the dizzyness and the feeling of vomiting is still
around. I couldn't sit in a car for long....
i would feel like i'm car sick and would really want to vomit everything out eventhough
my stomach is empty....

even i was just copying notes from the white board,
i would feel the dizzyness and the vomiting feeling will just come...
i hate it!!!!
and till now it's still here....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16 November 2008

it was the day i had publically announced to the world that
i'm a christian!!!!
this is usually done but following the steps of Jesus Christ in
Water Baptism!!!!!

so, that day, 16th November 2008 is the day i was water baptised!
^o^
i'll share with you all bout the ceremony,

before the water baptism takes place,
all of us, the baptism candidates and their family members and friends
gathered at the chapel in my church, Metro Tabernacle.
We then started by singing praises to god.
after a few songs, the baptism candidates all gather to take a group
photo.
the next photograph is then taken with the family members...

the water baptism part then start with pastor water baptising 2
elderly ppl....
because their body can't take it to go into water,pastor did
baptism by sprinkling.
usually pastor prefer the full emersion but bcos of health reason he does that.

after the 2 elderly, a lady was called
and yea, for this, v are called by name...
and i was the 4th!!!!
the pastor asked me a few questions and i answered them.
then he said,
"I now baptise you in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit".
Pastor then pushed me into the water and he made sure that
i was fully submerged then only pushed me out...

when pastor pushed me in,
i didn't feel scared like i did at first.
i cant swim and i dare not put my head under water...
but at that time,i felt very light...
like i was on air... and i didn't feel the water pressure on me at all
not like when i was in the swimming pool....
i felt calm.....
at peace?

after i was submerged, pastor pushed me out...
when he did so, i didn't feel a thing...
its like he didn't push me at all...
it's like i came up myself but my feet was not even touching the ground...
hahaha
its funny
but at the same time...
it felt nice...
hahahaha

so until here then...
hehehe
i got to go...

Journey back home~

hey all!
i wanna share with you guys about monday(10/11/08)....
i went back home alone!!!
all by myself!
hehehehe *proud*

after my one and only class on monday,
i took the U82 bus from help to KL Central.
Then i bought the KTM Komuter train ticket and boarded the train.
I reached Kepong at about 2++pm.

Then, i went to my secondary school to collect my SPM cert.
unfortunately, it's not out yet.
the clerk said that it will be out next year....
i'm wondering if the scool is just plain lazy or its the government....
y does it take so damn long to just get the certs done?!
I need the cert next year....
sigh.

well, i then walked to the market area and stop by at a stationary shop...
on the way to the market, the weather was hot and i was thirsty so i said...
"wah! i'm so thirsty"
then when i turn the corner of that road,
i spotted the lady that always seels soya bean and cincau in front of my school.
i really thank god for it!!!
hahaha...
i thought that i could get a mag from the stationary store that my friend,June wanted.
too bad they dont have it....

After that stop, i continued to walked uphill.
it was so tiring and my bag was so heavy!
i decided to use the shortcut that leads to the traffic light to cross to my housing area.
and IT WAS A BAD MOVE!
that shortcut is in between the housing area and is connected to the traffic light by a door.
THAT DOOR WAS LOCKED!
so i walked to the other end where there's another door.
THAT DOOR WAS LOCKED TOO!!!!!!
i had to walked all the way out and use the steep hill to the traffic light....

After crossing the road,
i walked up a slight steep road to my housing area and downhill all the way to my house.
when i reached home,
i could only step into my house and fall to the floor...
i just sat there for about 15mins.
I reached home at about 3pm....
i'm just so exhausted.....

hahaha...
so thats my story of my journey back home!!!!!

random quiz...

i'm just surfing the web and i found this quiz...
it reminds me of Twilight!!!
hahahaha....
so here's the result...

You Are a Vampire

You are charming, sensual, and even a bit manipulative. You can't help but get people to do what you want. You have sharp senses and a strong predatory instinct. You go after what you want, without mercy. While you have the heart of a killer, many people are drawn to you. You are elegant, timeless, and mysterious. You are the ultimate fantasy object.

Are You a Vampire or a Werewolf?

The part of me that no one sees.....

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

The castle personality test???

The Castle Personality Test

You are scared of new experiences. It's hard for you to break outside of your comfort zone. You like to think that people see you as dramatic and fascinating. You do your best to seem mysterious. You are a very realistic person. You see the world as it is, flaws and all. Right now, stress occasionally makes you feel trapped in your life. You usually have a clear perspective on things though! Overall, your life is well managed and fulfilling. You enjoy every day, even if nothing out of the ordinary happens. You feel like the fate of the future partially rests in your hands. You believe you need to help make the world a better place.

The Castle Personality Test

Random pics

Hey,wanted to update earlier but couldn't...

since it's all out now,

y not....

here are some pics i took the other day...

(When i was in my worst month)

hehehehe

i wonder y i can still smile like that.....

maybe i liked the hoodie???

hehehe

- this pic is taken in class...
i had forgotten that class was cancelled...
i was so damn bored... -

Connected

This song is for you, Dong Bang Gang!!!!


Blind-folded on this carriage ride that they call life.
Keep trying to make it through the next turn,
knuckles white and holdin' tight.

So here I go, takin' the curve,
but I know that I'm never alone.
I think of you, and how you never let me go.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),
it's like you're sitting right with me all the time.
You hear me (you hear me), you're near me (you're near me),
and everything else is gonna be alright.
'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this,
nothing can break this tie.
Connected...
connected inside.

It's not an accident,
the time we spent apart.
But now we're so close,
I can always find you right here in my heart.

You've given me, somethin' I need,
and I don't ever want it to end.
Because of you, I know I've found my strength again.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),
it's like you're sitting right with me all the time.
You hear me (you hear me), you're near me (you're near me),
and everything else is gonna be alright.
'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this,
nothing can break this tie.
Connected...
connected inside.

Everytime that I breathe, I can feel the energy.
Reachin' out, flowin' through, you to me and me to you.
Make A Dream, Walk a Step, you are everywhere I am.
Seperate souls, unified, touching at the speed of light.

I feel connected (connected), protected (protected),
it's like you're sitting right with me all the time.
you hear me, you're near me, and everything else's gonna be alright.
connected (connected), protected (protected),
it's like you're sitting right with me all the time.
You hear me, you're near me, and everything else's gonna be alright.
'Cause nothing can break this, nothing can break this,
nothing can break this tie.
connected,
connected inside,
Connected

All let loose

Finally, it is all out....

Today, (31/10/08), directly after dinner,

I manage to tell them.When we sat together on Jane's bed,
facing each other,sharing a blanket,

I didn't know how to start but at the same time I knew.

I have been rehearsing over and over again in my head on how do I tell it to them,on how do i break the news...

In this one month, I had been tearing each time.thinking about what to say to them.

For this whole month,i've been holdin it in and it's one of the toughest thing to do.I couldn't tell them.

Not yet.Not till it was the right time.

That day when we had a second surprise party for jeannette,

I knew very well about what was going to happen.

I wanted to just cherish that very moment.

It was Jean's day and i didn't want to ruin it.

On Lee yee's b'day, I had told them that I might be going to Australia.

That time, I really had the strong urge to tell and I did.

It was a very very wrong move.

In the end, i felt that i had spoiled her b'day party.
(sorry Lee Yee *bows apologetically*)

I felt really bad so when it was Jean's turn,

I was determined not to ruined it, so I kept quiet.

On the day that I was filming the video for Jean's B'day present,

I had lied about the part where it is not confirmed yet and after all the filming,

I didn't even re-watch the vid.
I just couldn't and on that day, when 5 of us just sat there watching the vid,

i couldn't sit with them...i knew i couldn't bcos i was afraid...
i was afraid that i would burst out in no time...

so i sat on the chair...but then i couldn't stand it.

I cried.... I had tried not too...

it was the part of my vid where i was talking about dong bang gang,

I knew it....I wont be around anymore in just a few months....

I knew it but I could just weep.Luckily they didn't notice me...

Ever since I knew about it,

I had been trying not to shed any tears on the phone whenever I was talking to them

and I had managed too but I had failed each time when I think of them.

I had decided to let them know as a group and not let them hear it from a third party

so I kept it as a secret from my other friends too.

Then, one night I dreamt.

I made something for the gang.It was handphone stings.

I had noticed that they all did not have any accessories at all hanging on the phone so in the end,

I bought the alphabets and customized the upper part of the friendship string close enough to my dream.

here are the pictures....

- Jane took this -

- I gave this too Lee Yee -

- Jeannette took this -

- I took this -

- Zhe Rei took this -

- This is the word formed when 5 of us put it together -

The alphabets are actually given based on the standing of DBSK members.

Since i am a Changmin fan so I took X

and Lee Yee is a Yoochun fan so i gave her V.

The rest are decided by themselves bcos 3 of them are Jae Joong Fans...

hahaha

When I was modifying the strings,
I had a few thoughts in my mind…

So here, I’ll share them…

I chose the alphabets TVFXQ is bcos,
They’re the ones that brought us dong bang gang together.
There are 5 members in DBSK and there are 5 of us in Dong Bang gang.
TVfXQ is also DBSK’s real name so each of us holds and alphabet.
We are all in this together and without one,
We are not whole just like the name,
TVFXQ.

The flower has 5 outer dots and one dot in the middle.
The five outer dots represents us 5 and the middle dot
Represent Dong Bang Shin Ki that holds us together.

Each string is exactly the same except for the alphabets.
I want dong bang gang to know that
They are all important to me .
We belong together…
it’s not that I want to bind them to me but
it’s just to show how much I appreciate them…

I practiced singing in the last month.
It so happened that I came across this movie and the song is very meaningful
So I wrote down the lyrics and practiced singing.
The song is entitled Connected and it’s actually a duet.

Today,
I had managed to memorized the lyrics but when I was about to sing,
I had the feeling that I wasn’t able to sing without the lyrics.
I sang the song but was a bit shaky,
I was trying to hold back the tears and
I also thought that I would be able to finish it but
I was so wrong.
I thought that I had cried till I didn’t have the tears to cry anymore.
I wanted to be strong for them.
I didn’t want to cry in front of them but it came anyway.

After all the sobbing, crying….
We sang proud together.
Then we chat and shared our thoughts till we all went home.
On the way back,
Zhe Rei and Lee Yee was with me.
Man, they sure are fierce…
Hahahaha
I told them that if it were not because of them,
I wouldn’t have told them. I was going to, not until the last few days.
It was the request from them earlier to tell, so I did.
Both of them told me that if I were to leave without informing early,
They will hunt me down and kill me!!
They even say that they wont even talked to me anymore…
Some friends…
Hahahaha
I really had thought that If I were to tell later,
Then the separation wont be hard…

Right now,
I don’t even know what to feel….
All I know is that I’m gonna leave my ‘gems’ behind
And would not be with them on my special day.
It took me so long to find them…..
I feel empty again.