I didn't deserve what i have

As I sat there,
Right in that room,
I knew what was coming
I couldn’t face it
I panicked,
Not knowing what to do but just bracing myself from whatever that will happen.

I thought that my worse nightmare had came alive.
I heard the soft thud of heels on the carpeted floor,
The squeaking sound that came off when the door fling open
The sound of books loudly slammed on the desk.
All seemed to sound louder than before.
It echoed loudly in my head
I heard my own heart beating slower and slower as if I had no more fluid in me to pump.

It looked like a scene where it could only be seen in movies and books
But that very moment WAS REAL.

After receiving the paper that seemed extremely heavy,
I quickly laid it upside down on the table not wanting to look at it.
I knew of course that I was a disappointment.

She opened her mouth and the voice came.
I expected it to cling to me and hurt, bruise
but then, nothing is felt.

The words just passed by,
It didn’t hurt.
It felt like the words didn’t came at all.
I wasn’t feeling what I was supposed to.
Everything just slowed down, mellow and fade.